You know in the movies, where the main character has this really strong passion for something since young and she's super talented at it, so the story is about how she chases her dreams? Well I've always wanted to be that girl, except that I have nothing I'm really talented at and no dream to chase. What do you do then? 

That's why I try to fulfil the simple things in life, but I still suck at that. Like trying really hard to be healthy, but I guess I just gotta take it step by step. 

I think I really need to change myself. Not only in the way I look, but just in the way I am. The way I speak, the way I act around others. I want to be a better me, you know? Maybe then people won't only know me for what they see me as. I want to be the girl who will be known and loved for her kindness or just making people smile. My friend told me that people don't talk to me because of the way I look sometimes, because when I'm not smiling my face is very strong. She also said it's because of the kind of 'aura' I give out. Like I'm too cool to talk to them. I think that's horrible if that's what people really think. 

I probably sound like some narcissist who's so full of herself. 

But I think it's true. Because I know of people who've also told me this and I admit about my face thing. Haha but I just have a really strong face if I'm not smiling. Thanks, mum. I'll have to change, about that 'aura' thing. I never realised it but since next year I'm gonna be in a new class with new people I have to be better. :) 

Lately I've realised something that terrifies me, which is that I can't cry.  Maybe this year I've cried too much already, broken down one too many times. But I can't cry anymore. When I'm sad my heart just hurts and my body goes numb, but I don't cry. 

I have never been sad or depressed because of things like losing the boy you love or something like that. It's only been because of the things in my family, the things people say to me and how I feel about myself. And that's the sad thing, I think. That I can fall apart because of my own monsters. 

I think the last time I broke down was with Felicia. I don't know what's wrong with me this year, I never used to show my emotions so easily and I definitely never cried in public before. 

I wanna be that girl who won't let anything hold her down. She'll fight for what she wants and even if she gets knocked down, she'll stand back up again. Stronger than ever. 

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.