It feels like it's been forever since I've last blogged. Talked to Felicia a few days ago, and she reminded me of how I can use blogging to express my feelings instead of keeping them bottled up inside which is what I've been doing. I guess I kind of forgot, being so focused on what I should say instead of writing what I want. 

This picture is brilliant, for me at least. It kind of describes me almost perfectly. I hate having this kind of negative mindset but I can't control the voices in my head and it's killing me. I'm so tired of all the bullshit that I put up with and there's so many events coming up. I know I can do it with Jesus but some days I just feel so alone. Doesn't really make sense, I sound like a hypocrite. 

I've just lost myself I guess, I don't know how to act or how I should be anymore. No one seems happy when I try to be myself. Then again maybe it's me, maybe I am just that horrible. 

Got a lot of things to deal with that are coming up, really important decisions and events and commitments. I just feel like I have a heavy heart but I'm numb. How do I stop feeling like this. Gonna run tomorrow so maybe I'll sort it out. There's got to be other ways. 

Haha but I gotta shake it off right? Head up and stay strong. X

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.