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Pluviophile
Friday, October 18, 2013 @ 7:32 AM | 0 Comment [s]
How can I feel so empty and sad and angry at myself all at the same time. This week has been rubbish. I can't talk to anyone because, well they'd never look at me the same again. I'm not really talking to my parents, I feel like my friends are drifting away from me and I feel so uncomfortable every time you come too close. This isn't how it's supposed to be, right?
Who can I turn to anymore, I can't even trust myself. I think I might go mad, it's all so frustrating. I went to ECP on tuesday by myself to just listen for God and to clear my head. It was nice I guess but I still can't get rid of all the voices.
I'm not taking part in the drill competition, but I know that if you asked me last year I would say yes in a heartbeat. What's happening to me? But I can't be who I was anymore. I feel like I'm betraying everyone though(in a sense). My mum doesn't really allow but I'm also unsure if I want to commit my holidays to drill practices every week. I love drill, but things have changed and I've changed. I guess I've just got to accept it.
I don't want to spend my holidays rotting at home doing nothing though, so I want to make it productive by doing something else during the weeks that I don't have camps. I just gotta figure out what. My first camp starts next week, I need to start preparing soon.
Sigh I really, really need to fix my life. I gotta stop the pity party and do something about it.
Don’t wake me up if I’m sleeping this life away
Tell me that I’ll never be good enough
Sometimes it hurts to think it could really be that way
It won’t be that way
I’m tired and I’m lost
I don’t wanna be found
I put my heart and my soul
And strength in this now
So forgive me ‘cause I won’t forget that
Yeah, this world has changed me
So you know when you ask me
Who are you now?
Did you say what you want?
Don’t go back to the start
I’m asking, who are you now?
Did they break you apart?
Won’t you fight back for what you want?
Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly
We’re gonna work it out
Yeah, yeah
Don’t, don’t, don’t wake me up
‘Cause I hate who I am today
So come on, come on
And just take, take, take what you want
Is it now what we’re living for?
We’re always wanting more
You made me hate my own reflection
Question every choice I make
So I could try to be perfect
But I won't try to be fake
So forgive me ‘cause I really could care less that
This world has changed me
So you know when you ask me
Who are you now?
Did you say what you want?
Don’t go back to the start
I’m asking, who are you now?
Did they break you apart?
Won’t you fight back for what you want?
Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly
And sometimes to really live, you’ve gotta try
We can change it all together, in the end you’re gonna find
That what we felt in our hearts was real the whole time
When you open up your eyes, I hope that you find
Who you are, who you are
Who are you now?
Who are you now?
Who are you now?
Did you say what you want?
Don’t go back to the start
I’m asking, who are you now?
Did they break you apart?
Won’t you fight back for what you want?
Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly
Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly
We’re gonna work it out
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