Just realised I never posted this. 

A lot has happened this past week. New revelations, new perspectives I guess. Good or bad, I don't really know yet. 

Haha I've just been sitting here staring at my screen for the longest time, I don't really know where to start. On teachers' day we finally did our performance, and I don't know how to feel about it, but I'm just glad it's over. Watched percy jackson afterwards with primary school friends, it was a nice to finally see most of them again. 

Friday was nothing much, went for lunch at garden slug an then met up with Amanda to prepare for our presentation that we had on monday, then went out for dinner with 

Ugh I can't even do this anymore, just typing about what happened. So many things have gone by, some really really bad ones and some pretty good ones. I don't know where I stand anymore, and I don't know what's going on with my family and with my friends. Sometimes I feel like giving up on everything, and other times I feel like clinging onto what's left in hopes that I can fix it again. 

Friday, saturday and today was by far the worst. On saturday morning... I can't even describe what happened. I never ever want to go through that again. I'm so scared for everything that's going on because I know that I can't control anything and I don't what I'm doing or where I'm going. 

When people are stressed, there are many things they do to get their mind off things. Drawing, writing, dancing etc.

Mine is music. I grew up listening to all kinds of music, and music has always been there for me. When I'm so tired of everything, I just listen to music and block everything out and I feel better. 

Sigh but right now, whatever I'm going through will pass, but I gotta keep on fighting to stay afloat. I have to start working hard to make things happen, I can't afford to just sit around anymore.

I realise that what I'm going through will just literally be stories someday. I've learnt the hard way that I can't control everything and plan everything. I believe that things happen for a reason, but I don't believe in just letting things happen instead of making them happen. Does that make sense? Probably not. 

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.