It feels like it's been forever since I've been here! EOYs are almost over, there's only art, dnt and english listening left. I took down my blog from my twitter, I don't know if I'll ever put it back up again. Last saturday was a really hard day for me, because of many  things that I'd thought I'd never do. But this week's been crazy as well. 

Lately I've been questioning things and myself a lot. Because I don't know if I'm really meant to be there or if I just don't belong. I keep on screwing things up and I'm kind of afraid to go back there because I know I've made mistakes and I haven't found a way to fix them. Maybe I'm not supposed to be there after all. But I love helping out, I really do. But then again it's just me not being good enough. 

Conflicted and I don't know how to fix this mess and it's all my fault. I just want to be able to be good at something that I'm actually passionate about but all the little voices in my head are coming back again. 

And I think I'm having studying withdrawal syndrome haha. EOYs ended last week and now I don't have anything to do which makes it worse because now I need to find something  that I can be productive and helpful at instead of messing everything up. 

I just don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. Again. 

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.