It feels like it's been forever since I've last came here man, but now I have a little more free time because my cts are over! *happy dance* But I still have rehearsals, teachers and many projects to deal with though (meh). :-(

I'm not sure how I'll do for my common tests cause some were alright but some were pretty bad so I'm giving everything up God. Tomorrow we have a ndp rehearsal so it's gonna be a long day but then it's the weekends! Super excited for this week and the week ahead, I can't stop smiling it's creepy. OH and and and I'm so psyched for 1014! The most amazing thing happened last sunday and I was just so happy I started crying. I don't really know how to say it but at that time I was just losing hope and I was praying and praying to God about everything and suddenly Mridula texted me saying that she could come and throughout the week everyone could come except for Kelvina but I'm super thankful to God! Praying and fasting everyday was definitely worth it for them to be able to come. :-) But the 40 days of prayer ends on 9 August though, so I'm not done yet gotta keep pressing. 

I've also been sick the past week because I had a sore throat that spiralled into a fever and now it's just a slight cold at least, so I'm glad.

(Oops 9% haha better hurry)

I've been getting better and I'm healing so it's all fading, but I know that I can't promise that I won't go back cause I don't trust myself anymore. That's really sad... Anyway I don't think I've ever told anyone but I am afraid of a lot of things. My more tangible fears are dumb honestly. I can't be in the same room as a spider, I've never watched a horror movie in my life, I don't stop praying whenever I'm alone in the dark and I can't do anything related to heights without feeling nauseous. 

I don't want to fall and I can't really afford to take the risk again. Have you ever watched "We Bought a Zoo"? 20 seconds of insane courage. 20 seconds of insane bravery. That's all you need right? Damn I feel like lying in bed and watching movies all day and eating. A lot. Hahaha nah. I gotta go swimming again soon. :-(

But I do want that movie day. 

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.