I haven't been my best lately, but I'm trying to get better. I thought spending time with God at idol camp would really help but I didn't go in the end, cause of some dumb reason that I have to settle when I go to church next saturday. I'm trying to get better but it's hard when you have scars to remind you of everything. Haha I feel weird but I decided to give myself a pep talk for future me, if I'm ever feeling down again next time.  

Dear future me, 

Okay Antonia, time to get your shit sorted out. Lately you've been feeling so awful and alone but time to get out of your pity party. You've felt this way before and things definitely got better right? So what if things are overwhelming? Give everything to God and rest in Him. Pick yourself up and start doing things for yourself. Do things that make you feel useful and important and happy, don't just give in to everybody. If you feel useless and unwanted, open up and go make new friends. It's okay to start over again. You may feel so tired of everything and if you can't find free time to escape and rest, make a schedule and make sure you stick to it and complete all your work. If you can't find anyone to talk to, talk to God. Oh and go for a swim, cause you forget how happy it makes you. :-)

Love, me.

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.