Lately it's been pretty hard for me, but I'm trying to stay positive. 

I just ended camp and it was seriously one of the best camps I've been to in a long time. I was kind of scared to go at first because we're all not in our classes and we were split into different groups and I didn't know that many people in my group. But once we reached the campsite and started on all the activities and everything, everyone was just so nice and friendly and I'm glad I got to know so many new people! :-) 

On the first day > low elements and high elements where I did the single log where we had to walk along this long log and I was absolutely terrified cause I'm rubbish when it comes to anything involving heights.

On the second day > it was the funnest day, to me! We started off with kayaking and rafting and we all got so sandy I can't even explain. Later we did the high elements again and I did the multi vine, where we had to walk along a piece of rope whilst we could only hold onto "vines" that were along the rope and I was dying inside but my belay team was so damn funny I'm glad I had them with me. :') Next, we were supposed to do the challenge pole where we were supposed to jump off this pole and you could try to grab the white beam if you wanted to but I didn't get to do it because of the cat 1 lighting alert. :-( Then it was campfire night!!! I'm in alpha and ALPHA IS THE BEST heh. Our group did a performance of a combination of songs but it was cut short cause it was too long aw. But I seriously still remember all the cheers and the fun we had.

On the last day :-( > rock climbing and abseiling. Again all to do with heights but I'm super thankful for my friends and the instructors cause I wouldn't have been able to do it without them. Lastly we had outdoor cooking under the scorching sun and now I have sexy tan lines along my arms haha.

I can still hear and remember all the cheers that we did and I miss camp a lot. :-( This camp really helped me in everything in general and even my tiny fear of bugs. The toilet had squashed millipedes all around it and there were a bunch of bugs and lizards all around the campsite I'm really not fazed by anything anymore.

Now it's back to painful reality and after camp broke everything went downhill sigh. I'm really really trying to stay positive and pray about everything like how I did before camp but it's so hard. Something happened last saturday and I don't know what but now my cell isn't going for idol camp and I'm the only one who wants to go but now I'm not sure if I should go or if God even wants me to go. I'm trying to ask Him but I don't think I'm listening hard enough, I'm so confused.

Oh and my family got me a guitar for my birthday! But it's really everybody's and I only know like 5 chords but I'm going to self learn cause there's really no point in going for such expensive lessons. And the funniest (most disappointing actually sigh) thing is I've only had it for a day and when my mum wanted to tune it the E string broke. :-( We'll just go to the store and buy a new set of strings I suppose. I still have RMUN and corporals camp coming up and all the other things in between coming up. This doesn't feel like a holiday at all. 

A lot of other things are happening and everything is going wrong but I'm trying so hard to fight for what I want and believe in but this is a battle that I'm not sure if I'll win. There's just too much going on around me and I'm just trying my best to be alright.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.