I'm so so so scared now okay I don't know what I'm doing I'm not even prepared I need to sleep but I'm not done with anything what do I do. For the first time in my life I'm dreading saturday. It's the rmun presentation and honestly I'm not even done. Not close. Lately I've been feeling so horrible I don't look forward to anything anymore what's the point. 

Does it break his heart to see me feel like this? I feel like I'm fucking worthless. Please please please just let everything be okay in the end. Help me to not feel so rejected and alone and help me to be able to hurry up and finish my work cause I'm only back at 7 tomorrow and the presentation is on saturday morning. 

I just really need someone who will listen right now.

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.