Hi first time blogging from my phone (: sorry if it looks different I can't tell, meh.

Anyway I won't be able to blog often these 2 weeks as my common tests are here and I need to study cause I haven't done shit. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm procrastinating or no motivation or anything, I actually really really want to study but I have no time!! )-:

"Don't be stupid, you're just making excuses." No I seriously have had no time at all to study. I've been doing projects and I've been so busy with cca and my competitions and stuff and projects! O m g it's just been too much and I'm exhausted.

Sigh so yeah sorry if I don't update as often, I wish I could though I love blogging. I have a 朗读测验 tomorrow and I'm terrified. Haha I know it might sound stupid but I'm just not good at reading for chinese oral. Honestly I don't understand how I'm in higher mother tongue, I think my chinese sucks! And I know cause you're in hcl you're expected to be really good in these sort of things but I'm just not. Ugh I hate it I'm never good enough. I stutter and I can't read the words right and I'm so scared I might (will?) screw it up. God I need you.

And I need You for all my projects, competitions and exams that are all coming up soon and I'm not ready. I still have like holiday homework that I have to complete because I had something on every single day of the holiday.

I thought you would be there for me, but no, it's always the same thing over and over again. I ask you for help but nah, whatever Antonia needs isn't that important, she can handle it. NO OKAY I know you concentrate on him but sometimes I need you too. And I'm not just talking only about now but about how it's been to me my whole life. I'd hate to say it but you've brushed me aside so many times, I'm used to it. But that's how we are right? Everybody solves their own problems cause no one's gonna be nice enough to help you, you can do it alone. Sigh I want to say so many things but I can't talk about it here.

I'm waking up early tomorrow to complete my chem rev paper and using my recess to read through my textbook again and practice reading. I'm so tired but I know I can do it. I have Jesus and I know that He's all I have and He's all I need.

Just gonna sleep it off, cry it out and pray, goodnight (-:

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.