Hello hello! Hehe this is a really special blog post to me because it's the first time I'm blogging from my new macbook pro!

I've been asking my mum if she has a second hand laptop that she can lend me as lately school's been requiring us to use it more often and I also need to use it a lot for my science competitions when we meet up outside. It just so happens that my aunt's workplace gives her a 60% discount so she bought it for my sister, cousins and me. 

It's the only reason why my mum will even let me look at it lol.

So yeah, I'm really thankful for it. (:

Lately things have been... well let's just say that life has it's ups and downs.

Last friday was the worst day ever. I was having mood swings and I was kind of pissed that my extra higher chinese class is now placed on friday and it ends at 4.20pm, so from now on I'll always be an hour plus late for gb. 

WHY. T_T 

I'll have to rush and change into my uniform and if we're writing a compo I'll have to rush that too, nice. I'll be so tired and so now it means that on fridays I'm in school for 12 hours oh my. HELP. 

I felt really sick after recess and that's when I started being all moody and irritated. I was pms-ing and cursing so much. I didn't mean to I just felt so frustrated with everybody. I felt so insecure because of my rash and a bunch of other problems.

Partly was also because lately I've felt like nobody wants to talk to me and I was just that one person standing by the side. 

I felt so alone. 

I've just been feeling like that lately, even with my friends. I feel like I'm invisible and that I'm a nobody. No one would care if I'm gone.

I'm always the friend who would do anything for you. I'm the one who cheers people up, I make them laugh and feel better. I'm a listening ear for everyone and I give advice. When my friend is breaking down I comfort them and love and care for them. I teach them how to breathe again.

But no one would do that for me.

I wonder, if I'm gone, would they realise that they took me for granted? Would they know how much I wanted them to hear me but I didn't have a voice? 

If only I knew who cared.

You know the feeling when you're surrounded by so many people but you still feel lonely? That's how I've been feeling. 

Did I say something stupid?There goes one more mistakeDo I bore you with my problems?Is that why you turn away?Do you know how hard I triedTo become what you want me to be?

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.