Sigh, I was planning to write a really happy post about my saturday but... not anymore I guess. Just a short one.

Saturday! After piano I ended up watching youtube videos like I always do heh. Then I headed off to church and I left the house a bit later than usual. The heartbreaking moment when the bus drives off right when you reach it and the uncle doesn't see you. )':

HAHA that's what happened to me anyway. 

The sermon was about how we can win the prize that we are called to win as Christians. Pastor Roland was preaching. (: It was a really nice sermon, to me sermons always are. 

Philippians 3:10-14 

During the sermon I just suddenly felt this prompting to go to the main service which was the adult service that night so I went with my cell leader. My friend's been going for the main services and she said that the sermon's are really different from tx's so idk why I wanted to go honestly. I just went.

It was about dignified living in a strange world. And it was really different. It was also really impactful. (": I definitely wouldn't mind attending a main service again. 

Ahhh children are so cute. My maternal instincts always kick in and I love playing with them. <3 Hehe but I only really like spending time with like toddlers, young children. Not so much 10 year olds, I find them very annoying some times. SO BAD HA HA but it's true. Meh.

Sigh today was just terrible.

Speaking of mums, I've never had a really good and close relationship with mine. I don't talk about my crushes and my problems with her. I don't really tell her about anything that goes on in my life. I learnt about all those girl things from my friends and my sister, not her.

She's just so hard to talk to sometimes. Her personality is "I'm right, I don't care if I'm wrong or unreasonable, I'm right." It's impossible not to fight with her. My parents argue all the time and most of the fights were all started by her cause she can be so petty and she drags in and goes on and on about all the things that aren't even related to the argument.

If I ever have kids I swear I'll love them with all my heart. I'll treat you better than the way my parents treat me. I won't fight in front of you. I'll care about your problems and what's going on in your life. I'll talk to you. I'll be understanding and you'll know that you can tell me anything. I'll be everything I'm looking for in a family for you. 

I'm doing the best I can. Just because I'm not doing what you think is right doesn't mean I'm wrong. If you know nothing about what's going on in my life you don't deserve the right to tell me how to handle it. 

I absolutely can't stand it when you guys fight in front of us. At least go into the room and close the door if you're going to shout at each other. It hurts, when I'm holding my little brother while he's crying himself to sleep cause of you guys arguing and I can't do anything about it. 

I pray every night for our family, do you know? I pray that one day we'll all get along and finally, all the fighting will stop for good. 

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.