Heyy, goodness gracious I missed typing in this space here even though nobody really reads anything. Hahaha anyway, these past few days have been... stressful. There's just so many things to do! I don't know if I've been really crappy lately cause of the stress and all or just cause I'm on my period. ajksnbkajfchgiljsk tmi sorry.

HAHA but yeah, I think I've cheered up a lot cause I met my bbg yesterday and yknow, us being girls and all we just talked and talked about everything that's been going on in our lives and our feelings that kind of shit. It felt so good to get everything off my chest! 

I guess that's why I created this blog in the first place, I needed a space where I could pour out my feelings and stories. 

Tomorrow's gonna be exciting, I have piano > tx > post encounter briefing (I can't wait to see who's going!) > iwalk for singapore. I'm just not looking forward to seeing my cell mates. /: I love them, it's just that ever since we've combined cells I feel like she's replacing me. I'm sad yet super pissed off at ce she's awful. I don't remember her being like this, she wasn't a terrible friend at all.

*I played halo for like an hour and a half before continuing this post hope it doesn't sound too weird*

HOLY CRAP DAMMIT HHAHAHA I'M SO STUPID GOSH. The walk is in the morning and it clashes with my piano! I thought it was 6.40 pm not am ahahah dumb me. I hope my teacher allows me to cancel now but... aw man I really want to support. Sigh see how I guess. I practically types my reaction here lol sorry.

*I ate dinner and watched cheaper by the dozen 2 so another break*

On a more serious note, I have to talk about my feelings and life and stuff. HAHA ok. I feel like there's actually no one really who knows me extremely well, I've learnt how to fake it all. My feelings, my reactions. I don't know who I really am, actually.

My heart is a secret garden, it's filled with mysteries and emotions that nobody understands. And yes,

I do guard my heart. I've been hurt before and I don't want to risk it again till I'm done healing. It's a horrible feeling. I don't think anybody will be let in for a while, not until  

 I'm done healing. But I have scars, scars that I'll never be able to get rid of. '"Scars are stories, history written on the body."

I haven't found anybody who will make me feel like I'm strong enough to let them in, to enter my stone walls of insecurities and troubles to find the real me. I just hope and pray that maybe one day, I finally will.

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.