Hello! Haven't really blogged these past few days, nothing's really happened. Hmm I'm just gonna say what happened since saturday. In my last post, I said that I would blog if anything happened with Tesco at church but no, I didn't even see him. ):

Surprisingly I'm okay with that. I don't know, I mean I'm still young I shouldn't get in a relationship or anything so soon. Live while we're young right? Hmm yeah, OH WAIT. I remember I saw my eye candy this week. Hehe he's just this guy I keep on seeing every sat and we always share eye contact awwww he's so handsome okay, don't judge me. 

So after church I went shopping with my aunt and I bought a bunch of nail polish from face shop I'm psyched for the holidays to come so I can start experimenting and painting! I've been obsessed with watching all these nail art videos lately it's amazing how they can do such nice designs on both hands. My left hand is perfect (I'm a right hander), and my right hand is just wphfjkabnlsyiu. 

Sunday! Sunday was really fun, I met up with my cell group and we baked chocolate chip, crushed cornflake cookies and cream puffs together. It was really great to just bond with all of them, I thank God for them so much they've been through a lot of things with me. :") 

This post is really different from my others, I usually talk about a certain topic yeah? I just need to rant today, I've been feeling down lately. 

In school we all hang out in cliques and I love all my friends to death. <3 I'd do anything for them. We're the weirdest bunch of people and we all have such different personalities, it's amazing that we can get together and be such good friends. But, when we're such different people our personalities can clash a lot. We've gone through so many fights and there's always this one person we don't really like. 

I've been feeling so out of place and alone lately. I just don't feel like I fit in anymore. I don't wan to tell them that and make them feel bad or anything, besides maybe it's just me. We all have our roles in the clique, mine is like the crazy mom who takes care of and keeps everybody together. I think I'm just thinking too much, it's just how I feel anyway. 

I want to be independent. When I was younger I used to think that I would be fine by myself, that I didn't need anyone. I've been hurt before, I have trust issues. I don't want to get close to anybody. I only have my family and friends. They're everything to me. 

Yeah, I've been hurt by the people close to me. I trusted them with everything. But they betrayed me, stabbed me in the back. It hurts of course. It was hard for me, to stand by myself again. Trust me, even if it seems tough now it will get better. 

I was so used to hitting rock bottom that eventually I accepted it. But I didn't give up. I knew that if I reached the bottom, there was no where else to go but up. I wouldn't let other people's words and actions affect me, I'd just be me. 

This quote means a lot to me, if there's one thing that everyone knows about me is that I HATE sympathy. I want to prove that I can be strong, that I can stand alone. I'll persevere and trust in God so I can get through all the challenges in life and prove that I can still stand by myself. We are more than conquers through Him who loves us.

Always give never get half. Maybe next time to prevent all this from happening, I'll learn not to give so much. 

A singer for God. A baseball jacket. My own laptop. Own a pair of Toms & Vans. Pierce my ears. Learn how to play the guitar. Dance in the rain. Ride the Tower of Terror in Tokyo Disneysea again. Master nail art. Learn how to do a french braid. I wanna be blown away, I wanna be swept off my feet, I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe. I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true, I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you. I want to fall in love. I want to look at the clouds with him. I want to find myself again. I want to be happy.